#3 So long and thanks for all the fish

The transition from high-school to varsity: from being a big fish in a small pond to a sardine in a school of nitwits.

So you thought you were hot stuff back in high-school? University quickly teaches you how to feel stupid all over again and what the taste of failure feels like. It's a bitter sweet reminder of reality and the best grounding medicine you'll ever receive. Unless of course you already have always felt like an idiot or a sardine - then you'll feel right at home. I must emphasize not to burn any bridges leaving high-school (as tempting as that is). If your high-school happens to be a castle, you'll likely strand everyone there without a means of escape - funny, but inconvenient to have a criminal record of pyromancy as you start university. You might not be allowed to register for red-hot topics like chemistry and environmental safety as you'd have already gained (anti)credits in both courses through your combustion work experience.

Another transition is from varsity to the world of work: from being a fool-of-a-took sardine to an eager-to-please gremlin.

We run into the working world with hopes and dreams (I guess this is universal multi-versal for all major transitions in every fish's life). As university crushed your sense of self, the working world will crush your sense of sobriety. It's a good thing. As in varsity one tends to drink to get drunk, in later life one might change that up a little by being able to afford nicer things to get drunk on. It's the difference between swimming in a fish bowl and swimming in an aquarium. Alternatively, instead of an aquarium, you may have the option to leave the planet entirely, choosing to swim through the vacuum of your own soul and outer space. 

In all transitions it's important to always look back and thank those who gave you important lessons for all the fish. Without all those other fish who would you have had to beat out of the competition? You needed other fish in the game to successfully blend in and stick out when needed. The society of a school of fish is an important milestone in every major transition of life. Each one shaped you, for better or for worse, with or without criminal record, and thus you need to keep the gratitude flame alive by burning your humanity on it at every possible chance. 

#2: Tell your Lecturer it's 42...

In everyone's life comes a time when you disagree with what's being fundamentally taught to you. You know, like when that kid you used to play with tried to teach you eating snot was fun and that watching each other pee was the funniest thing in the world. Or perhaps when your lecturer who has a major in biochemistry tries to teach you mathematics... and his equations on the board resemble something vaguely familiar, until you realise that vaguely familiar thing is a fish... with tentacles.

There are times when lecturers decide to torture the students with questions that are far and beyond the capabilities of what you now and will ever know, simply because they wish to show off some of their own misplaced, insecurity-ridden knowledge. Unbeknownst to the lecturer: he has only managed to amass a regular audience of students due to their unnerving unwillingness to be deterred from learning by a large bread-looking alien who happens to know a lot about fungi because a lot of it grows in his beard.

There are times when you encounter a lecturer who likes to waste a lot of time on things 'you don't really need to know', and very little time on things 'that will actually be in the test'. I believe in situations like this: one should just write, "The Answer is 42" when faced with writing a test set by such a lecturer. If this mathematics-teaching-biochemist truly understands the nature of the universe and the mathematics he taught you, he would surely have complete sympathy and otherworldly understanding of that more than adequate answer.

On the other hand you get lecturers who tell you what is 'important' and then test you on everything that is 'NOT important'. In cases like this: should you require the services of a clean and inefficient hitman - please do hesitate to contact one - lecturers like this are important to the multi-versal ecosystem of trolls.

In other cases one may encounter a lecturer who may have the best intentions, a wealth of knowledge, but unfortunately poor navigational skills when it comes to choosing a planet that understands his accent. In such endearingly painful cases one should remember that there are such things as Babel fishes. If you don't have a Babel fish, there is Google translate - which is the next best thing. If that fails, take a video, put it up on YouTube for the world to sympathise, and skip class till you find another lecturer who speaks English.

If any of these special individuals lecture you and you ever have the unfortunate business of fending off a question from them, just tell them, "The Answer is 42".

#1: A break to study Vogon poetry!?

Welcome hitchhikers to this most momentous event! I would suppose the improbability drive brought you here through some sheer coincidental, but highly likely events that seem utterly normal and mind dulling - I was referring of course to Google search or alternatively, your own ingenuity of furious mouse clicking.

Now you must be asking yourself, 'But what momentous event am I here for?'. Well I don't quite know myself, but while you're here anyway I might as well say hi and offer you some tea. If you'll stay a little longer there might be a few pan-galactic gargle blasters on the house.

Now onto the 'break to study Vogon poetry'...
Alright, not quite Vogon poetry, but for some of us the subjects we have to put our noses into can be something almost, but not quite, entirely unlike Vogon poetry. Perhaps you enjoy your subjects, but the idea of studying is normally one to put most hitchhikers to sleep or at least to put them on the infinity circle of procrastination. So, I hope you have figured, I am referring to something university students call 'study break'; but the large majority of us just did a great deal of studying before the study break and most probably have to do a lot of studying after the study break as well. Thus we embark on a little week-long escapade filled with things totally unlike work and most like relaxing.

'Well, I'm on a break! But I don't know what to do?' This is where this blog steps in, or more like clicks in, or should we say loads in, or should it... ah whatever, I'm sure there's an entry somewhere that states being indecisive about words is a criminal offence on a small planet just North-East and round the corner of an unexciting system.

So lets kick off the weekend with Friday! It's rather unsurprising that Friday comes before the weekend, its even more unsurprising to know that you should have fun on this day. You should by all means forget work on this day after university ends, but by no means forget your head, unless you have two or three or four or... your name is Zaphod Beeblebrox (which in the event that it is, the fact of the matter is: whether or not you leave a head behind won't help you anyway).

You should catch the train on Friday. Preferably to somewhere you've never been to before. Make it an adventure. Pick a destination, one the Guide hasn't got an entry for, and make a plan to get there. When you're there don't slack off. Find the nearest safest thing and avoid it like the plague. The point of Friday is not to be safe. Be dangerous, be daring, even if you decide to sleep instead of following this Guide, sleep dangerously. If you don't know how - ask the Guide. Sleeping at the end of the Universe always sounds like a bad idea, but no one is alive to tell us if it really is. Rather inconvenient, but in case you do give it a go, do try to remember to drop us a comment and recount your adventure. While you're out and about, remember to pick up a memento - preferably not an alien or another hitchhiker.

Saturday. Preparation required: a little, then a little more, or none at all. Choose this day to be outdoors. Go to the Botanical Gardens and invite friends. If you don't have any (Gardens or friends) pitch a tent in your backyard and put your thumb into the air. You might find some. While outdoors bring something equally 'outdoorsy' to do - such as a baseball bat and ball, a volleyball, beach ball, picnic blanket, other people's food and some card games. Bring a camera and sandals. Take pictures, have fun, make a facebook status, get the T-shirt, done.

Sunday: sleep.

Another week has begun! Or it should have while you weren't looking. If it hasn't check your clock, or your planet... or maybe just keep looking. It should be Monday and it should be another day to choose to be outdoors. This time go for a hike. This means: don't wear sandals, don't wear shorts, eat breakfast before you go and don't, under any circumstances, forget your towel and bring a large umbrella instead. After the hike have some snacks to picnic with under a tree. While you are feeling zen make a plan to have a lasagne party for the rest of the day. What this means is: pitch up at someones house with a bribe, drink like a Spaniard, eat alcohol-soaked fruit (Sangria), and wait around till the host wakes up and realizes you're there. When that's all settled make dough, whip out a pasta-sheet machine and get going. Teamwork should be emphasized around the lounge and pool areas. Especially if everyone looks like they're having a good time. Get some cheese-graters together and have a party with them until you have to layer the lasagne. Hopefully among all of you someone should know their way around a lasagne. If not, order pizza and pretend you're awesome by adding feta cheese and singing, "Ice Ice Baby" as an over-track to Britney Spears.

Tuesday should be used for sleeping off the lasagne-tummy, the Sangria and Britney Spears songs you have stuck in your head.

On Wednesday you should feel like being cheap. Unfortunately you still need to eat good food because you are on holi-"study break", ahem, and need every ounce of nutrition for your hard working brain! What better food to eat than sushi? Fish are all apparently high on nutrition; they say it's quite unlike dagga and more natural. I just think they're crazy. Being high on sugar is much better, so start your day off with lots of sugar in your cereal. At lunch plan to meet with long-lost estranged family members of your age. Visit your local fish market, or use your nose to find a place that has half price or good bang-for-your-buck sushi. Eat the lunch hour away and enjoy a good catch-up conversation.  You'll feel like a good cheap cousin afterwards. Promise.

If you're feeling creative, adventurous, or just happen to be thinking of Dolphins, purchase yourself a puzzle - you can get really exquisite ones now - and attempt to build it, or at least a part of it. The day you do this should be Thursday. If you don't want to do that, choose today to check your mail and be a good student. Being a good student generally means making sure you haven't forgotten where your bag is.

Friday should be spent preparing for the evening. Since the evening seems like a good time to celebrate the season you're in. Find a Spring/Winter/Seasonal-themed ball to attend and find a partner. Ideally your partner should be willing, non-edible and human. After playing dress-up in your room make sure to arrive at a stylish time and miss all the speeches. Get a good seat with the coolest person you know to ensure all night you don't overheat from dancing. When the DJ starts playing don't be afraid to dance like everyone's watching you - they already are. If this makes you self-conscious try closing your eyes and imagine you are being sucked into a hyper-space vortex with no oxygen. As this is quite a frightening thing to imagine, open your eyes again and be so overcome with relief for your own personal safety and good-fortune, that you forget about everyone else around you. If this doesn't work call a doctor.

The last weekend of your "study break" should be actively spent doing important things, like feeding your cat (which you haven't seen for a week), finishing the puzzle and catching up on sleep. Don't forget to eat well and stare at your workload intently for the next day or two.

You should now feel refreshed, relaxed and altogether nothing like a mouse. If this is so please raise your right hand and wave at nothing in particular. When you have realized this makes your look stupid, stop. Well done, you have had a successful "study break"!

Oh and when Monday starts again remember to bring your towel.